Dear Penis
by Silverflare07
Summary: Casey's got a dirty little secret...and I bet you'll never guess what it is... .implied Daseyishness.


**Title: **Dear Penis

**Summary:** Casey has a dirty little secret, and I bet you'll never guess what it is... .implied Dasey-ish-ness.

**Author: **Silverflare07

**Dedication: **To Chibi! I know how much you wanted me to write it, so I did! I hope you like it.

**Author's Notes: **The disclaimer is at the bottom, and you'll find out why as you read this.

**Stuff you need to know:**

_Thoughts_

"Speech"

* * *

Derek entered his home and dumped his hockey gear on the floor before him. Hockey practice had been fairly brutal this particular Friday and he was looking forward to relaxing in front of the T.V. with a nice hoagie. His father and Nora were both still at work, Lizzie and Edwin were staying after school for some project or another, Marti was at her friend's house for the evening, and he didn't really care were Casey was, as long as she wasn't bothering him.

The point was, he had the house to himself and he was going to milk it for everything it was worth.

He made his way towards the kitchen, the thought of the hoagie already making his stomach growl with hunger. As he stepped into the dinning room he was surprised to hear humming. Apparently, he wasn't as alone as he had thought. He stepped inside the room and was surprised to find Casey, her back to him, washing dishes and humming for everything she was worth. He walked over the fridge, wondering what she was doing home, but not actually interested enough to find out, and pulled out the meat for his hoagie.

Casey whirled around as the fridge door slammed shut. "Derek!" She put a hand to her heart and looked far more startled than Derek thought she ought to.

"Yeah?"

"What are you doing here?"

"I live here. Hockey practice ends early on Fridays." He grabbed a package off the counter and pulled out a sub roll.

"Oh... right." She nodded. "I guess I just forgot."

"Yeah..." Derek raised an eyebrow at his stepsister. She was acting a little...jumpy. Like he'd caught her doing something she wasn't supposed to. As if Casey MacDonald ever did _anything_ bad... "Aren't you supposed to be..." He tried to remember what she'd said the previous evening at dinner as he added lettuce and tomato.

"Shopping with Emily?" She offered helpfully. "I was, but she canceled. She and Trevor are going on a date."

Derek nodded. "Oh. Okay." He applied some mustard to the top half of his roll.

"Yeah, so now I'm going to go finish some homework." She walked out of the room, humming as she left.

Derek raised an eyebrow at the spot where she had been. There'd been something..._off_ about Casey humming. There wasn't anything odd about Casey humming in general, she often did that. But something about the song she'd been humming sent of an alarm in his head. He wasn't sure what song it was, but it had sounded familiar. There actually wasn't anything odd about the song itself, save for the nagging feeling in the back of his mind that he knew it from somewhere. But there was something odd about Casey humming that particular song.

_Oh well._ He shrugged it off and took a bite of his sandwich. It really wasn't any of his concern.

* * *

Two weeks later, and Derek was beginning to think it was going to have to become his concern.

Every time he'd found Casey by herself, she was humming another song. It wasn't the same one he'd first heard her humming, but they all had the same effect on him. He knew them, somehow, and the songs, whatever they were, were not ones Casey should be humming. Ever. But she did, constantly.

He heard her humming when she was drying her hair after a shower, when she was getting ready for bed or ready for school. She hummed as she made her lunch, or did the laundry. Any time she thought she was alone she would hum one of those oddly familiar songs.

It was driving Derek nuts.

If he didn't figure out what the hell she was humming, and why it was driving him so nuts, he was going to lose it. He skipped hockey practice the next Friday, and rushed home so that he could beat Casey. He sat on his chair in the living room and waited anxiously for his stepsister to walk through the door. He was so preoccupied with thoughts of finally learning Casey's secret that he couldn't even enjoy the women's volleyball game that was on T.V. He grinned and shut the T.V. off as he heard keys the other side of the front door. Sister dear was home.

Casey's humming, which had been in full swing, including snatches of words that Derek couldn't make out, came to a full halt as she saw Derek sitting in the living room, smirking at her.

"Hello Casey." She had been humming the song he had first heard her hum two weeks ago.

"Hi Derek." She replied coolly, walking past him and heading toward the stairs. "Why are you home so early?"

"Skipped hockey practice," he replied nonchalantly, "had this annoying song stuck in my head." Casey froze for a fraction of a second and he grinned. _Good_. "I couldn't concentrate on anything else."

"Oh." Casey started walking up the stairs.

"Has that every happened to you, Case?" He asked gleefully as he got up and followed her.

"Hmm...can't say that it has." She replied as she began to walk towards her bedroom.

"Really?" Derek asked, disbelievingly. He put a hand on her shoulder, halting her movements. He spun her around and trapped her against the wall. "Well, I _beg_ to differ."

Casey looked up at him annoyed. "I doubt you've ever begged for anything in your life. How very below the 'great' Derek Venturi that action must be."

"Don't change the subject." He told her, more fiercely than he had intended. "What the hell have you been humming these past few weeks?"

Her eyes widened. "J-just a song. It's really none of your business."

"Dammit, Casey!" He growled. "This has been driving me crazy! You _are_ going to tell me what they are!"

"No, I'm not!" She snapped back and tried to break free.

"Yes," He lowered his face dangerously close to her's. "You are."

But she didn't respond. She just looked at him with wide eyes and he realized how close their faces really were. _Pull back_ a small voice whispered in the back of his mind. _No_, another, much larger, part argued. _Close the distance._ He leaned a little closer to her, so close their noses were almost touching. _Just a little closer..._

"They're just songs..." Casey whispered.

Her voice startled Derek, and he pulled back, disappointment swelling up in his chest. "Yeah," His voice was little more strained then either of them had expected. "Just songs..."

He backed away from her and she took the opportunity to dart off to her room. He watched her door for several seconds before turning and storming into his own room. He slammed the door behind him and let out a growl of frustration. He grabbed his Ipod off his desk and jammed his headphones over his ears.

When Derek Venturi was frustrated (and right now he most defiantly was) he always went to his favorite comedic artist and listened to his 'spoof songs' until he had completely forgotten whatever it was that had been bothering him. He hit play and turned the volume up as loud as it would go. The music blasted through the speakers, and he smiled.

"_Dear Penis...I don't think I like you anymore."_

Derek snapped up, his eyes widening with realization. He grinned and raced out of his room, down the hallway, and barged into Casey room, not bothering to knock.

"You!" He pointed a finger at the bewildered girl before him, "Are a Stephen Lynch fan!"

* * *

And that's Casey's dirty little secret! How many of you were thinking something naughty! And yes, I realize that Dear Penis is actually sung by a man named Rodney Carrington, but when I came up with the idea of this fic I thought it was sung by Stephan Lynch. And when I tried to use another song, none of them fit as well. So bear with me, and just pretend that Stephan Lynch sing's Dear Penis.

The idea for this fic came from the idea of Derek's reaction to good little Casey singing a dirty song, and then, I happened to listen to Dear Penis and I thought _what if..._ and thus, this odd creation was born! Bpth my friend and I thought it would be weird for Casey to like Stephen Lynch, since his lyrics, while hilarious, are more of a crude humor.

It's my first LWD fic, and I hope you guys liked it!

R&R! Come on, send me a smile!


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